Shinigami Live
by Kuchiki-Hiza
Summary: My crack fic. Interview with the Bleach cast. First guest: Kurosaki Ichigo. Warning: uses OC as Host.
1. Intro, Kurosaki Ichigo

Narrator: Shinigami Live

With host, Miru Dakusei!

And special guest, Kurosaki Ichigo!

Miru: -smirks- Welcome t' Shinigami Live, I'm yer host, Miru Dakusei! –mutters- But, Ojou-sama's prob'ly gonna take o'er, some time, later. An', no, she don' own BLEACH.

Ichigo: -blinks and stares- What the-?

Miru: Looks like our guest 'as fin'lly come 'round! –smiles innocently- Sooo…

Ichigo: Where am I?

Miru: -laughs- On set, live, o' Shinigami Live, stupid.

Random staff guy: Dakusei-sama, you can't berate the interviewee…

Miru: Oh, shut i', stupid ol' man… -glares-

Ichigo: Interviewee?

Miru: Yup! You're th' firs' special guest on Shinigami Live!

Ichigo: Oh, god, what's Goat-face got me signed up for, now?

Miru: Don' worry, Ichi, no' like yer gonna be here more 'n once.

Ichigo: I'm gonna kill Goat-face for this.

Miru: No' until I've gotten his interview done, ya don'. -sighs- le's ge' on wi' this, shall we?

Ichigo: Sooner the better…

Miru: So, why'd ya become a Shinigami, Ichi?

Ichigo: Which time? First or second?

Miru: Both! -grins happily-

Ichigo: Well, first time, it was because my family was getting attacked by a Hollow, and Rukia couldn't fight to save them, anymore.

Miru: Oooh, how sad… -giggles gleefully-

Ichigo: Ugh… Anyways… the second time was when Byakuya destroyed my powers, and I ended up going to Urahara for help. He nearly turned me into a Hollow, though… But I regained my powers, all to go to Soul Society to save Rukia. I got a lot stronger while I was there, too, and even attained Bankai in record time.

Miru: Ya don' like Hollows much, do ya? -gives cute pout-

Ichigo: Nope. And don't do that. It doesn't work with those evil eyes of yours…

Miru: -glares- What'd ya say 'bout ma eyes, Shinigami!?

Ichigo: They're evil. They're freakin' black and gold for god's sake! They're a Hollow's eyes!

Miru: Yer point bein', Shinigami?

Ichigo: I don't like them.

Miru: Ya better no' let Hichigo hear ya say tha', Shinigami. And wha's th' diff'rence, cuz I'm a Hollow, too…

Ichigo: -reaches for Zangetsu, only to find him missing- Okay, where's Zangetsu?

Miru: -points to corner of stage- Over there, with Ojou-sama's Ryuu, an' ma Abekobekitsune.

Ichigo: What the hell? Why do you have a Zanpakuto? I thought you said you were a Hollow.

Miru: I lied… Ojou-sama doesn' wan' dear ol' Sousuke-chan ta find out wha' his Primero Espada is…

Ichigo: P-p-p-primero… Espada? -cowers in fear-

Miru: Yup! Now, ge' back or I'll cero ya ass.

Ichigo: I shouldn't have gone along with this…

Miru: -somehow hears a non-existent bell- Well, tha's all the time for t'day! Stay tuned! Our next guest will be…


	2. Chapter 2 Kuchiki Rukia

Narrator: Shinigami Live

With host, Miru Dakusei!

And special guest, Kuchiki Rukia!

Miru: Welcome t' Shinigami Live! I'm yer host, Miru Dakusei! Again, Ojou-sama don' own BLEACH.

Rukia: Uhh, what the heck is going on?

Miru: Oooh, goodie! I get t' torture Ojou-sama's li'l sis!

Rukia: -backs away- Get… get back, Hollow! I know Kido, and I'm not afraid to use it!

Miru: Oooh, feisty li'l sis ya go', Ojou-sama.

Rukia: I'm warning you!

Miru: R'lax, li'l sis. I ain' 'loud t' hurt ya on air. Tha's why Abekobekitsune be over there.

Rukia: You're still a Hollow!

Miru: Nope. -smirks-

Rukia: -shivers- Then what?

Miru: Primero Espada.

Rukia: Espada! My enemy!

Miru: Ugh, she's never gonna get i', Ojou-sama…

Rukia: I get that you're an Espada, and my enemy.

Miru: Espada, yes, enemy, no.

Rukia: What?

Miru: Primero Espada, spy fer Soul Society, originally th' inner Hollow o' one Kuchiki Hiza.

Rukia: Inner Hollow… of… Nee-san?

Miru: Hey, she's startin' t' catch on, Ojou-sama!

Rukia: Don't talk about me like I'm not here…

Miru: Oooh, how rude o' me. Why'd ya become a Shinigami, Rukia?

Rukia: For a better life. Renji's and my friends had all passed away, and we decided to become Shinigami to get out of Rukongai district 78.

Miru: Then how're ya a Kuchiki?

Rukia: A few years into the Academy and Nii-sama adopted me into the Kuchiki clan, allowing me immediate graduation and acceptance into the Gotei 13.

Miru: So, ya didn' complete th' entire training plan a' th' Academy?

Rukia: No, and I graduated right away, becoming an unseated Shinigami in the Thirteenth Division, back before Shiba Kaien passed away. -bites lip-

Miru: Wha' happened t' Shiba Kaien?

Rukia: He was… taken over by a Hollow. The only way to save him was to kill him. So I ran him through with my blade.

Miru: Tha' musta been hard fer ya, t' run yer Vice through, like tha'. Ya ever 'pologized t' his family fer killin' him?

Rukia: No, I'm afraid they'll hate me. Well, actually, I did apologize to his little brother, Ganju.

Miru: Why'd ya do tha'?

Rukia: Because I didn't want him to hate me for killing his brother, especially after he came with Ichigo to save me.

Miru: Wha'd he save ya from?

Rukia: They were going to execute me on Soukyoku Hill, for giving Ichigo my Shinigami powers.

Miru: An' why'd ya do tha'?

Rukia: So he could save his family when I couldn't fight, anymore.

Miru: -laughs as bell rings- Thanks fer joinin' us, once 'gain! Come back, next time, on Shinigami Live! Our next guest will be… Inoue Orihime!


End file.
